Sobriety was the best thing I could have done for myself and my family. There is no questioning that. However, everything didn’t turn into rainbows after I stopped drinking. For the most part, life didn’t get any easier. Probably not what you were hoping to read, I know! Life is still hard but-manageable. Life was not manageable when I was struggling with all the hard parts of alcoholism. Here are some of the more difficult areas I am learning to navigate.

What happened to my friends?! Do we have anything in common anymore? Why didn’t I get that invite? Ouch. There is a sting to it but it happens. One of the quotes that has stuck with me is “you can’t change the people around you, but you can change the people around you”. I have learned this is a hard move to make and accept, but it is so helpful to find a new group of friends to add to your life who are on the same mindset as you if you want to continue the path of sobriety. I said “add” because It doesn’t mean I cut people out of my life. That wouldn’t be fair to anyone. I had some good times with the people I used to Sunday Funday with on the weekends. So many memories, that are a smidge blurry but FUN memories with these people. I told them my deepest secrets and dramas. They shared their own. Why would I suddenly drop them because MY lifestyle has changed? Well, the whole “it’s not you it’s me” applies here, the reality is I don’t fit into Sunday Funday anymore. I don’t enjoy watching “normal” people able to drink responsibly-ish… and get home safely. It makes me feel like a loser. The math wasn’t mathing. The test is how do you maintain these friendships when you wonder what you have left in common? It’s a challenge for some. The pro to this con? You do find out who is going to stick around and also realize there’s a whole world of other people out there to connect with and find new hobbies. Even if it doesn’t involve only being sober. I recently connected with a mom who walks the neighborhood while the kids are in Youth Group on Sunday nights. So instead of daytime drinking and crashing by 7, I have driven my teens to Youth Group and logged steps and new conversations, followed by going home to a washed face and good night’s sleep-that never gets old. She is 10 years sober and even though we don’t really discuss alcohol, it’s nice to have someone to literally walk the path with once a week. You never know how many people are suck in the drinking loop and are ready to get out of it, these people may be distant for a bit but then come back when they need their own walking buddy.

Sobriety is boring….sometimes. When I was a few months into sobriety I had a friend ask “what do you do for fun now?” Why is it we tell our kids that they have to just be bored sometimes but when it happens to us as adults, it’s a bad thing? A few weekends ago I had nothing to do. At all. no good shows, books, activities, nada. I found myself reminiscing about the days I would sit outside and have a chilled glass of Savi B while listening to some music and it was a nice relaxing day… wellll until it wasn’t. Until I was driving to Walgreens after the sun had set and I was buying more bottles of wine I couldn’t afford and waking up at 3 am sitting straight up on my couch realizing- oh shit, tomorrow is gonna suck. So I guess now I would rather just be bored for a few hours! It was uncomfortable especially because of the doom scrolling seeing everyone else out there “living their best life” and being “blessed” while clinking glasses! Ahhhh!! I get it. While I was wasting my time doom scrolling and thinking my life sucked I came across this nice little image:

Boredom made me get back to this blog post! Sobriety has moments of boredom but those moments pass. Think about when you’re in the thick of crazy sports weekends and school activities how you’d give anything to be bored for a day. Take it, sit with it and use it to fuel whatever you have sitting dormant in your mind..like starting a blog.

I can’t be social when I’m sober. Is that really a bad thing? I was always the life of every party. I started it, kept it going and made sure to be the last man standing. People loved having me around which was a good feeling. Until I realized I was the free entertainment. The people I was being so social with and thought I was having connections with, I really wasn’t. The next day I usually felt dumb replaying conversations where I overshared because I was feeling confident. The reality is I would have never shared most stories and it was fake confidence. Being the party girl became my identity. Once again – I don’t have a ton of regrets here because there were some real good times but there were also some times I really wish didn’t happen. I’d like to think I have learned from these experiences and I know the common issue was the alcohol. Once I started feeling confident to get back out there as a sober person, I realized I didn’t need to be as social as I thought. I still had conversations and asked everyone 100 questions about everything (it’s a personality trait I can’t help it) and found I still had it. The difference is I don’t force conversations to fill an awkward moment of silence. I didn’t overshare or tell other people’s business. As soon as the group starts to get loud and the attention spans are long gone, I excuse myself and see myself to my car. Once again- getting home in time to wash my face and get in a comfy bed. Wake up to no thoughts of “what did I say to that person” or scared to check my bank account because I also enjoyed offering to buy other people drinks, you know, to keep the party going. I am still social, just not an oversharing party girl who also over stays her welcome.

“mommy needs a hug…e glass of wine” It’s funny I know. I laughed when I saw the t shirt too. But it’s a lie. Mommy doesn’t need wine to get through raising the kids. The kids don’t want a checked out mom or a mom they can’t count on. Mommy needs a good pod cast to binge while going on a walk. Mommy needs a good hobby that adds value to her life and makes her excited to get to do. Mommy needs to add years to her life to be there after she’s raised the kids, not the opposite.

Choose your hard. If you look up the definition for Hard in the dictionary the explanation is simple: Something that is difficult to do. Sobriety can be hard but isn’t anything that is worth having? If it was easy, I believe many more people would be doing it and I would have zero blog content! Over time I came to find that it is actually harder to keep up with the drinking lifestyle and with that my friends… I have my next post topic! Thanks for sticking around to the end of this one and I do hope it added something to your life and your sober journey.

If you need a good podcast about sobriety that is hosted by a reality show celeb once on “Summer House” More Life with Carl Radke has been a fun one for me!