Amy Annonymous

Today I am 14 months sober. That’s 425 days. That’s a lot. What’s funny is I woke up this morning and didn’t even know that until I looked at my sober tracking app. I think I have come to the place of this is just who I am now, for that I am grateful. Through different books and sober sites (like this one) I’m also well aware that this is a vulnerable time for me to question myself. Do I really need to stop drinking? I know what the consequences are now, surely I can handle a few. Walking the dog with a glass of wine sure was fun. Wait- no it wasn’t!

I was at one of my bestie’s birthday celebrations the other night and this question was asked. I felt myself busting at the seams wanting to spread the good word about all the joys I have found in sobriety! Kinda like when I was a teenager and my dad became hooked on a health food store and suddenly we weren’t allowed to have M&M’s anymore. Or when someone decides to be a vegan. You know where I’m going with this. To be clear- I loved that she asked me that, I know it can be the elephant in the room when your old drinking buddy is sitting there with the soda can. There’s no shame (anymore) in my game. But I also know there’s a time and a place to talk about my new identity and it’s not while everyone is enjoying themselves with their beverages! I mean, if I want to be invited back anyway! I did tell them how I have found that it is much more work to drink than not and no, I did not miss it at all. I hope to be more of a lighthouse to the people around me, not a preacher.

However, it did remind me of a post topic I thought of when brainstorming about this blog, that only 4 people know about by the way. Nope, I have not shared this blog with anyone except four of my friends. They don’t even know each other. Why? I don’t really know. Lack of confidence maybe, scared of people knowing way too much about me, no clue what I’m actually doing may be the biggest one. So thank you for reading this! I wonder how you found it? Last week 30 people viewed my last post! So let me know if you have a minute.

Back to the topic at hand: Drinking is way more work than not. This is what I have discovered with complete confidence in my 14 months of sobriety. Let me set the scene: It’s Thursday, you finally feel “normal” after last weekend’s festivities and took M-W off. Friday is just around the corner and there is another celebration on deck. Was everyone born in the same month 😆 The mental math starts, do I take off Friday night since I know I’ll be drinking Saturday night and possibly pool drinks on Sunday? If I only have one bottle of wine open tonight I can split it between tonight and Friday, it’s been a long week and I’ve earned it! Saturday rolls around and now the next phase, I am only having two, three max. I will drink water between the drinks. The roadie didn’t count. Before you know it all those rules are out the window, the water glass is covered in condensation because it’s still full, the lingering thought of a hangover in the morning is forgotten and it’s late. Really late. Now it’s time to get home safely and without a DUI. Uber? hopefully. The sun comes up and you’re now mad because you didn’t follow any of your rules and have to go back to get your car. Another Uber, another 2 hours of a good Sunday wasted. Always wondering where the weekends went and why you didn’t get anything done. The laundry is piled up and the groceries aren’t getting themselves. Now picture the opposite- You go to the celebration and only spend $ on your food that you enjoyed eating. You remember all the conversations because your brain wasn’t running in the background thinking about where the waiter was to take another drink order. You decide you are tired and drive home. That’s it. You still had fun, felt included, didn’t make any mistakes and the biggest part, stayed loyal to yourself. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, I am obsessed with getting in bed with a washed face and comfy jammies. I used to wake up in the same clothes and mascara burning my eyeballs. Don’t even get me started on how much easier it is to stay sober at a concert. Unless you’re sitting in VIP with a private bathroom and a black AmEX it sucks missing the good songs because you’re waiting in a drink line and then a bathroom line. Not to mention the tricky outfit you’re probably needing help with to zip and unzip. A few months ago I was at a fundraiser when a celebratory round of shots came out. My friends knew I was declining and they are not heavy drinkers but had the look of- oh no, how do we say no? In the 3 minutes it took for the tray to reach our table, each one of them started doing the math on how many drinks they already had and if they drank the Lemon Drop who was going to be the DD? Should they just schedule the Uber now? One even made the comment “ugh, work is going to suck tomorrow”. All of these were responsible questions that 15 months ago I would NOT have asked and drank the shot with everyone. So- I do applaud them for thinking this through but also know, it’s easier to just skip it all together. I don’t know how that played out since that is about the time I snuck out the door and headed home. I feel like I need to insert here- I know there are people who don’t think like me. I know there are people who really do go out and have minimal drinks and don’t do dumb shit. But something tells me if you are reading this post, you might be like me and can relate to being the total opposite.

Right now it’s Sunday morning. I am wrapping up the final days of summer with my kids being home. I feel confident that I will be completing my second sober summer in just two more weeks. Grateful is the word that describes how I feel about that. I have not missed a single day and have had a blast. I am in the middle of painting my kitchen which is something I’ve wanted to do for years but somehow never had the time. Last night I watched a cheesy Netflix movie on the couch with all 3 of my kids. We stayed up late. I looked at all 3 of them on the sectional several times and took it in and appreciated the view. So cheers to 14 months of a life I never knew before and do not take for granted.