I know that’s not how you spell anonymous.

I have always been pretty good at spelling until I had to figure that word out.

A few years ago I asked myself a series of questions: Was I an alcoholic? Should I look up an AA meeting? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t live under a bridge, or hold a sign on the corner asking for beer money (it would be champagne money, that one I can spell).I didn’t check the boxes in my mind that would make me a certified alcoholic. But something was not right with the way I was drinking and I knew it. I drank when I was bored, happy, not happy, needing to relax, stressed and even more when I was depressed. I had made wine part of every single emotion I could. I felt like a fraud. I was the star volunteer at all my kids schools and PTA extraordinaire always promoting healthy lifestyles and choices but couldn’t wait to pour my 5 pm wine and black out. That’s right- blackout. That’s about when I went to the dr for a medicine check up for my antidepressants (that weren’t working at all) and I mentioned my drinking.This was a bold move for me since the label on the drugs specifically mentioned don’t mix the two. He didn’t even seem phased, almost expected me to tell him “yes, I drink nightly even though I was told not to” He gave me a check list of 12 questions that I was able to quickly say yes to 10 of them. Without any judgement he said- these are the questions from AA and it sounds to me like you have Alcohol Use Disorder.. Which is basically a fancy term for alcoholic. He also made it clear there was no shame in acknowledging this and I decided for the 3rd time in my adult life that I was done drinking. I meant it this time! I promised myself and I did it. My name is Amy Annon and I am a recovering alcoholic. Do you see what I did there with my name? Look at that I married into a name that would serve as a catchy blog pseudonym 16 years later. As I sit here I have 400 days of sobriety under my belt so I am sharing how making this one promise to myself- not anyone else- changed my life for the better. What did I gain in the past 12 months? All the things “they” said I would:

• great sleep
• 15 lb weight loss- diet and exercise alone
• mental clarity
• calm demeanor-most of the time anyway
• Loss of fear– I have a whole story about this one.
• confidence I can’t quite explain
• happiness. real, raw, unmedicated happiness.

One of my favorite nights in this past year was getting pulled over with my kids in the car at 10 pm on a Friday night leaving a rodeo without a single ounce of panic. I had a tag light out and drove off with a warning, not a DUI and a DCF case. But how did I get here? With one choice- to eliminate alcohol from my life completely.

But how did I get here? Let’s back this up to the year 2024. Hands down worst year ever. I couldn’t get out of my own way to save my own life. I had a job I was learning from scratch, but doing pretty good, 3 awesome kids, a husband who really seemed to like me but I was struggling. I was sad. Nobody seems to care when it looks like life is good and I think I hid it well. Until my hair started falling out and not in clog the drain in the shower every week. I’m talking clumps and huge bald patches. I went to the dermatologist and after 6 months of tests and bloodwork, I was finally diagnosed with Alopecia. Turns out that’s an autoimmune disease that is commonly brought on when you are under extreme stress. But what stress? My whole life was one stressful shit show after the next! In fact I had learned to just expect the worst and to brace for it in every situation. Turns out- that alone was part of the problem. I was put on a recently approved by the FDA immunosuppressive pill, a new antidepressant and some other crap. It knocked out my immune system and reset it back to normal. I quit taking the Zoloft because wine was way more efficient and eventually the hair made a come back. But I was also 15 lbs heavier and in the trenches of my depression. I really didn’t see a way out of this black hole. This is around the time I started relying on alcohol. I had always been a social drinker since my late 20’s. But it slowly progressed from drinking at gatherings to alone on my couch, nightly. Specifically Sauvignon Blanc- from New Zealand, yes that’s how I ordered it. When you’re partially bald it helps holding a nice glass of wine in social situations. It held my hand through all of it. Don’t get me wrong, I had some really good times with the wine … until I didn’t. The wheels started falling off so to speak.I did this song and dance until May 25th 2025, I was 41 years old so that’s a good run! That was the last day I had a drink.

In the past year I have heavily relied on sober apps, podcasts and social media pages. They helped me know I wasn’t alone in this and also helped me see just how detrimental alcohol is on the mind and body. I kept thinking, maybe I should start my own blog. So here I am starting my own blog. I want to show the world that you can in fact be a sober mom in a mommy needs wine world and still have a great time. Life isn’t always rainbows in sobriety especially if you are like me and have depression and anxiety but I’m here to show you, it’s way better on this side. I’m assuming since you are still here reading this you are going through the same struggle or you just want to see if I confess to some big crazy disaster that caused me to hit rock bottom and you’ll move on. So I am not going to do that just yet! Was there a crazy disaster rock bottom? Guess you’ll have to keep reading to find out!

Wondering about your relationship with alcohol? Here are the 12 questions I was presented with when I was ready to really evaluate my relationship with the booze:

https://www.aa.org/self-assessment

Day One is a hard day. Knowing you have to make a change is scary but also hopeful and exciting. Hang in there and keep showing up for yourself. You will not regret it.

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me”– Carol Burnett